The light of 23 tealights shone brightly.

Outside the storm raced and the wind howled. Demanding attention. 

Yet all the while, the tiny tea-lights had continued to defiantly shine. 

23 tea-lights represented 23 Yoga Teachers in Training. Half-way through a year of teacher training, a Weekend Retreat spent together. 

A weekend of processing, of class-planning of truth telling and, of returning home to ourselves.

And a weekend that reminded me of my Why. Of what had brought me to that journey. How it had all began for me. 

My initial self-conscious feelings and concerns of being too “intense” – “too much” or dampening the mood with my trauma talk. My worries of dampening the mood with the “trauma” talk were replaced with determination, with defiance. A deep and real knowing of why I was on this journey. 

To dare to dream.

To dream that one day, I would be The Yoga Teacher who would be providing people with a safe place to land. Somewhere safe to soften.

For people, like me who had spent day, months, and years, where they simply wanted to feel safe. 

What a privilege. 

What a gift. 

On the last evening after what had been a beautiful day of learning and connection and evening Yoga practise began.

A gentle flow, and as I moved. My body remembered. 

Remembered how a practise like Yoga that had offered such solace and comfort during my own healing journey, also had the ability to trigger and challenge me.

Surrounded by other students moving gentle through their Yoga practise the only movement I could muster was from my eyes as the tears fell.

My body was remembering. 

So I sat with the discomfort, Not dismissing the emotion. Not scolding the tears as they fell. Instead, I sat quietly beside sadness and discomfort and waited. Until fear finally spoke to me.

The next day I packed up as the retreat came to an end. As I packed, in came overwhelm, I stuffed in exhilaration, and made sure to leave room for Peace. 

I took one last deep breath before driving away that day and made a commitment. 

I would be committed to learning. To understanding, to listening. To educating myself. To support others.

To provide a safe haven for people to land. 

Knowing that I one day, very soon would be a Yoga teacher. Lucky enough to be holding space for people. Somewhere safe to soften.

“And I said to my body softly, I want to be your friend.

It took a long breath and replied, I have been waiting my whole life for this”